I have to type this quick because soon I'll get too woozy to make write of the words. I'm sorry if the words are spelled wrong, I'm typing this with my left hand since I cut all the tendons in my right.

Dear mom and dad,
       I'm so so sorry I didn't turn out how you wanted. I tried I really did, please don't hate me when you find this. I spent so long pretending to be okay that it felt so strange to feel okay for real and I panicked. It'll be okay though, I'm comfortable In this warm little puddle. It almost feels like a womb, soon to birth me into the eternal numbness and the quiet i so desperately deserve. You've made me happier than I'm worth and for that I will always love you. Everything I was is everything you are and without you I would've been nothing more than the ending to a story no one read anyways. Thank you for everything and I'm so sorry


Dear N and family,
     We haven't spoken in weeks and I feel like that's my fault. I'm sorry I pushed you away but i felt replaced by your family. How childish is that? No matter what you're always my big brother and I love you. Tell the kids that uncle nono went on vacation to somewhere beautiful and that I'll be back someday when they're older. Tell them I'm sorry I wasn't a better role model.

Dear S,
  I can't even say anything. I'm so ******* sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. Im sorry I got caught up in my selfishness. Im sorry I wasn't better. I know you'll get better and I'm so so proud of you. You've grown into such a beautiful and absolutely indescribable young woman. I want you to remember our time spent together but forget me. You have every guy in the world to choose from, and I'm sure they're better than I am. I'm sure you'll find someone who will realize your a goddess just as I did. Hopefully they're not as broken as I am. I want you to know I love you...

Dear L,
 Check it out bro you got your own section. Thanks for being my brother when I didn't have anyone. Thank you for being that one voice of reason that I listened to like, 60% Of the time. You made life a little more bearable. Thank you for putting up with all my dumb ******* and you have to promise to show up to my funeral in a bro tank, drinking a Miller.

Dear everyone who's kept me alive this long,
 I'm so sorry I let you down. All your work was for nothing. I'm sorry you started to love me. I'm sorry if you cared and I'm happy if you didn't. You shouldn't have ever loved anyone like me because trust me, I wouldn't either. Thank you for everything you did to make my life amazing. I love you and ******* for making it so hard to leave.

My head hurts and I'm freezing. Why is my back all sticky? The floor is really slippery around me and it's hard to breathe. My ears are ringing really loud and everything looks really grey. I think I should close my eyes for a bit, I'll wake up soon. I just need to nap for a bit.

Just a bit

I'll be up soon...