One day I sat in bed and I wrote a note It was about a boy, I think He had blue eyes And I would follow them anywhere But he confused me and told me love was evil but that evil was beauty And if I loved then whatever happened would be okay. But then he stole my soul and I thought that I should be heartbroken "But if you love me its okay,” he’d whisper through my tears So I quieted my thoughts and said okay.
10 months later I sat alone on my bathroom floor My blue eyed boy was gone He left me covered in bruises And filled my head with false thoughts of love And fresh feelings of self hate But if I loved him it was okay.
About a year ago from today You’d think all the feelings would’ve disappeared Because 2 years from then Was when the blue eyed boy went away. I sat in bed and thought of a note. But this time it was about myself. And everything I could think of that was wrong with me From my eyes, to my skin, to the way I breathe.
But I was too scared to write this note Because I couldn’t believe what I felt was true So I swallowed a pill to help with the pain in my heart and I kept going just living But the pain wouldn’t stop, It came in tidal waves pouring out of me in streams of tears So I took another pill to help with the pain, And another.. And another.
But then there was nothing— not even a beat
And then there was something— doctors and lights
So then there was everything— all at once and I was back
So here I am, Feelings pouring out of my fingertips because I’ve learned to keep my tears at bay. I’m sad, I know it But I truly don’t know why and my feelings won’t go away,
On this day I sat in class and wrote a note, That started with a murderer And ended with a living dead girl.
Today I wrote a note, Just to try to see if I’ve ever been okay.