her skin is soft like flower petals
and it smells like
cigarettes and Nag Champa
her hair is always
sitting on her head
in a loose looking tight bun
and her makeup is always
less is more
and her teeth poke out from
behind her pink lips
with a smile
and a laugh
she tells me she laughs just like her sister
but an octave higher
and i want to tell her
that her laugh is beautiful
and hers alone
but she would not listen if
i said that

her skin is soft
and my hands shakily caress it
and i know my palms are cold and clammy
and sweaty
but she says nothing
and so i say nothing
and we sit in the silence
of waiting for the other
to speak
but her lips curl up
and over her teeth
and she smiles at me
with her yellow-cigarette stained
canines
and she tells me
she feels beautiful today
she feels okay today
but she does not really
and i can see it from the way
her almond eyes stare into mine
as though she is digging
my heart out
so that she can take a bite
as though she is scavenging me
for my okay
for my beautiful
but, anjelica
she is my okay
and my beautiful
and she holds
my happy
in the palm of her empty cupped hand

and she tells me she wants to shrink
she wants to fade into the black
as though the only something she hears
from my mouth
anymore
screams to be attacked
and i try to help her
and she told me she was better
but i know that her better
is turning into a cold brick
and she turned into a cold brick
and now she is stuck
unable to move
unable to scream
and she tries to move
as i had tried to save her
but i cannot save someone
that doesn't want to be saved
but ****** i wanted to save
her

my dear anjelica hides now
she hides behind the chopped bangs
that cloud her eyes
she hides behind her newfound slang
and her pile of lies
and she lies to me
she cannot tell me
her thoughts
she says that they are too
scary
and that they even scare her
but what i find the scariest
is my fear of losing her
and if she cannot speak to me
how do i refrain from losing her
she is like a cherry tree
blossoming under the suns beating rays
and losing petals
as harsh winds blow
and i am standing here
waiting for her to grow
waiting for this to grow
into something more than
strictly nothing

i wrap my fingers
around her wrist
and pull
because there is more of a world
to show her
than she would like to see
and i tell her
that she will be safe with me
but she does not believe me
for how can you be safe
when you aren't even safe by yourself
i do not want to whisper
sweet nothings in her ear
i want us to speak somethings
because all we are is nothing
all we are is nothing
but my dear anjelica
i want her to be my something

she is the world
and she holds much more in her hands
then she could ever imagine
and her skin
smells like cigarettes and Nag Champa
and i wonder if she loves the smell
as much as i do