A year ago today I was on this same bed. Instead of feeling loved and feeling alive I felt worthless. A year ago today I was on this bed crying. A year ago today I felt worthless by one single person for the first time. A year ago today a relationship ended that left me feeling pathetic for the longest time. Everyone knew it was going to happen, I knew it was going to happen and it did. My heart was broken for the first time. I hated myself for the first time.
A year later I feel loved. A year later I can love myself. A year later I can acepct that there are so many different kinds of people in this world and not everyone is the same. A year later I can understand that it wasn’t and still isn’t my fault for what I felt. And almost a year later, I am going through the same things, these things that can hurt you so bad and make you hate yourself. Things that cannot be changed no matter what compromise you make, the only thing you can do is to soak it in. A year later I felt love. A year later I feel hate.
You can take these things, these horrible and hateful things and grow from them. In the past year I have changed so much and only for the better. I went from trying to impress everyone to impress myself. Broken hearts aren’t anything to under exaggerate, they can’t be a big enough deal. My broken heart wasn’t anything most people validated and people would think i am crazy, but any broken heart is justifiable. They are justifiable because no matter what you are feeling from whoever made you feel this way, YOU are the one feeling it. You are the one who put emotion, time, and love into a person, not them. You matter, you are valid, you are not worthless.
A year later I can promise myself that I will not ever let anyone manipulate me. A year later I can promise myself that whatever broken heart I have it can not be disapproved by anyone else. A year later I can promise myself that I will continue to love when I am ready. And lastly, a year later I will never let anyone make me feel worthless again.