These past few days, I was over the moon. But I guess that's the danger of it. I was too high up and yesterday I crashed.

They don't have a lot of mirrors in this house and it's always dark where the mirrors are. I walked down the stairs, passed the full length mirror and was taken aback at how I look like. Flat hair, dark circles around my eyes with heavy eyebags. My eyes were red around the edges and my cheeks were stained with tears.

I couldn't reach out exactly to my friends. I can't even explain why I'm sad but I am. I couldn't control it but I feel so worried, so sad, so hopeless and helpless.

I washed my face and turned off my phone, everyone else was asleep anyway. I'll be okay. I've been through this many times and I've picked myself up all the time, with the help of supportive friends who keeps reminding me of my worth and how much they love me. I'm really thankful for that. For them. But I can't help the sadness.

I just woke up, it's not 9am yet but I've already cried like what, 4? 5 times? I have other things to do but you're taking up so much space in my head. I hate having feelings for people because it makes me weak. I'm very weak right now but I'll get better. This is just temporary. It's not worth it.

-m.b