they used to tell me that i try too hard to be grown up. i'm always questioning, calculating, planning. walking in shoes too big for my feet, and then wondering why i trip. sometimes i feel like i can't help it when i fall so hard, but then i remembered that i forgot to tie the laces. i remember that i live in metaphors. making excuses and avoiding the present. i try so hard to prepare for the future that i forget to fix what's happening now, or even to be happy with it. i don't remember to feed my cat because i'm too stressed trying to figure out how to pay for her next bag. i forgot my "see you later" because i'm choking on "goodbye." i need you to help me grip onto what's here and what's now. i need you to hold my hand. please don't forget that i need you, even when i don't know how to say it.