Apr 2017
I guess it is me..
I guess I get ***
Confused with love
I guess that's my issue.
I guess it's me that has had this crippling anxiety
Every night I lay in bed thinking about him
I can't get the thought of what happened out of my head.
I can't stop thinking I will never be enough.
I can't stop thinking about how he told me,
He never wants to get married
And I think "What's the point anyways?"
I thought that was the whole point of us being together.
I mean.. it's my parents getting divorced, right?
His are happily married in this giant picture perfect home...
I ... I don't understand.
It's me that dies inside when he updates his profile picture to a photo of just him and not us.
He keeps saying "Oh, I forgot." "Oh, well.. my Instagram has our picture there."
But I am curious if there is another girl.
I wonder if that's why he is so distant.
I have these crazy mood swings.
It's just me putting all of this effort.
I sometimes think about opening the door of this fast moving vehicle
Called life
And just falling out
And smacking the cold, hard pavement one last time.
I hate that he makes me feel this way.
I hate that he makes me feel so powerless
So pathetic
I hate that I've fallen for him again
I hate myself, mostly.
I hate that I am lonely
Relationships are supposed to be a two way street, but lately it's been me driving one way there and one way back.
He tells me his street is under construction...
I find it hard to believe
I watched 13 Reasons Why all in one night
And I thought about how the people around her were so broken
And I sometimes have this fear that if I do fall out of this fast moving vehicle
No one will care when I am gone.
I wonder if he will even care
I can't handle putting all of my love into someone and getting nothing in return
I think about how much everything hurts
I think about the way I feel at 3 am
I don't understand why this is my life
I don't understand why everything is so ****** up in my life all of the time
I guess when you get back together with someone, the past doesn't really go away
He said " You turned into the person I used to be"
And I am still trying to figure out what that means....
I guess I get ***
Confused with love
I guess that's my issue.
I guess it's me that has had this crippling anxiety
Every night I lay in bed thinking about him
I can't get the thought of what happened out of my head.
I can't stop thinking I will never be enough.
I can't stop thinking about how he told me,
He never wants to get married
And I think "What's the point anyways?"
I thought that was the whole point of us being together.
I mean.. it's my parents getting divorced, right?
His are happily married in this giant picture perfect home...
I ... I don't understand.
It's me that dies inside when he updates his profile picture to a photo of just him and not us.
He keeps saying "Oh, I forgot." "Oh, well.. my Instagram has our picture there."
But I am curious if there is another girl.
I wonder if that's why he is so distant.
I have these crazy mood swings.
It's just me putting all of this effort.
I sometimes think about opening the door of this fast moving vehicle
Called life
And just falling out
And smacking the cold, hard pavement one last time.
I hate that he makes me feel this way.
I hate that he makes me feel so powerless
So pathetic
I hate that I've fallen for him again
I hate myself, mostly.
I hate that I am lonely
Relationships are supposed to be a two way street, but lately it's been me driving one way there and one way back.
He tells me his street is under construction...
I find it hard to believe
I watched 13 Reasons Why all in one night
And I thought about how the people around her were so broken
And I sometimes have this fear that if I do fall out of this fast moving vehicle
No one will care when I am gone.
I wonder if he will even care
I can't handle putting all of my love into someone and getting nothing in return
I think about how much everything hurts
I think about the way I feel at 3 am
I don't understand why this is my life
I don't understand why everything is so ****** up in my life all of the time
I guess when you get back together with someone, the past doesn't really go away
He said " You turned into the person I used to be"
And I am still trying to figure out what that means....
