Yes, doing drugs does mess your head up. Unfortunately, i vaguely remember one of the best memories i've ever made. My first date, and kiss. I was 12, and i had a boyfriend named jakob. That’s a whole other story to write.

It was rainy out that day, but hot. Texas weather can be beautiful. We were going to a movie tavern, to see the horror movie “Carrie”. I really wanted to see it, and he obviously didn't, but did anyways. 30 minutes had gone by, and i was so into the movie i didn't see he was staring at me until i looked at my hand, it hurt because i had been fidgeting subconsciously. He grabbed my hand, and my heart started to race. My thought was.. “ this is what it's like.” I'm smart, and sneaky. I pretend that the arm rest was hurting my side, so i put it up; knowing he’d try to put his arm around me. He did. I looked at him, lord have mercy. His eyes, icy green. His eyes always had a tendency to absolutely melt me. His hair, black. This dark haired, light eyed, tall boy is holding my hand and for once i felt normal. I felt like i belonged. Keep in mind, i was young and this was years ago. And i didn’t realize what i had in front of me, and it hurts to cherish it more and more as the years go by. Im 15 now, Life is hectic. But when i think about that time in my life, everything stops. I don't know why, but it feels safe.

The tragic part of this is, distance. Do you know what it feels like, to be so hurt, shaky hands, tragic thoughts, and the only way to get comfort from the person you love is over texting. Words. I look at the bold black words, but it being only letters on this device in my hand does not feel the same as us being intertwined.