they told me what didn't **** me only made me stronger,
what they didn't tell me was that the burden of what could have killed me, should have killed me, was going to carry on for the rest of my life.
every waking day i see myself, and its just a constant reminder of all the things i've been through,
the days, the moments of pure happiness that i wish to react,
or the moments where i feel the need to die, the shame, the embarrassment of still having the capacity to breath, the ability to walk around carrying what isn't more than just cells and organs.
i am still alive because of what didn't **** me,
but is it for the better that i am stronger?
or is it just an excuse, a reasoning to the ones who've had more achievements in theirs lives.
maybe the journey to which i'm taking is a long and agonizing 'achievement'
but is it making me stronger?
am i honestly, truly going to be a better person just because I've lived and gone through moments where other haven't
maybe the time has yet to come for me to be 'stronger'
maybe i'm not realizing or seeing that this,
me right now,
was a stronger me than i was before,
but how is no one realizing that what doesn't **** you only haunts you for the rest of your life?
maybe we all choose to ignore that fact and instead give it a better name than what it already has
we've all been to different trails
we're all going on different ones now,
and the choices,
decisions,
and moments we see,
will continue to be with us for as long as we're going to exist.
for what i know now is that,
what doesn't **** me hasn't made me stronger,
its made me realize that its what im going to have to live with whether its
pain or joy,
tears or fear,
laughter or lust.
until it kills me,
it carries me with all my burdens and regrets
just as i carry my moments of love and joy