My mind has kept quiet.
It's an uncomfortable feeling really;
Being comfortable.

I'm mentally stuck in a pattern
Peaceful days
Growing comfortable
My significant other growing bored
Fighting
Losing said significant other
Watching her content with another
Trying to move on
Getting drawn back in.
Falling for her
Repeat.

Here I sit.
Stressed out in the bathroom.
A double tomorrow
Hungry
Irritable

My mind knows where I am.
My heart however;
Lost.
Not missing someone else.
Trying to climb out
Of
the emotional rut.

My heart is stuck thinking
there is a great build
A rising tide
A subtle crescendo
Into a dramatic ******.

I know one isn't coming.
I'm happy one isn't coming.
I'm struggling to cope
with that knowledge

I'm terrified of my own weakness.
I'm tired from work today
And
Honestly,
I'm terrified my heart
is so used to it's rut
That it doesn't want to keep trying
to pull itself out.

I'm at a loss.
Maybe after my shower,
I'll show you this
And
you'll help me
figure some things out as a short term

And

Then,
I'll swallow my pride
And
Really start looking into


Getting the help I really need.