It was nice talking about my future plans with my parents. I really didn't expect that they'd give me the most enlightening advice and realizations. They made me understood the consequences I might come up to that I have never even thought of when I transfer to another school as a senior high school student because all I thought of was that I'll be left behind if I stay and my friends would still be together in another school. All I thought of was them. All I thought of was you. But then, my dad told me that we're all going to part. It might be sad and painful to think, but we really have to end up going to separate ways. We'll be on our own. It's an individual battle. The only positivity that came up was that we'll be meeting each other again in the reunion. High school is really the most joyous stage of the education process and parting from the people I got attached to is a normal thing to be miserable about. I'm slowly starting to accept the fact. And from the past weeks that I’ve been hit by depression, all I focused and I’m focusing to do up until now  is to treasure the moments that I am with them because there’s really nothing I can do. I am not in control of their life and the reason why they decided on their choice was that it was also for the good of them. People really do come and go. That’s life and the least and best thing I can do is to be happy for them.

Before that moment when I finally understood my parents’ point, there were times when I cried myself to sleep while I talked to God in my mind for 4 consecutive nights and resentfully asked Him, “Why?” I cried at school. I cried in the jeepney. I cried and no one really knew why. And it’s really a traumatic thought because the only reason I cried was because of them. That it hurts like hell to let them go because actually, I’ve really planned to leave. I started to plan it when I was in my ninth grade. It’s just that I got so attached to people and that in the early months of my last year of junior high school, I decided to stay because I knew and they’ve said so, that they’d stay. Until it was just 3 months before the school year will end that they've changed their decisions and application forms were the only thing they’ve held ever since. They were happy, but in the contrary, I wasn't. I tried even if it took to pretend and fake my true possessive feeling about them leaving. And so, I got out of place because all they talked about was to leave and here I am now in the middle of distress. I chose to stay because I wanted to be with them and suddenly it’s like the world just turned upside down and I’m the one who was left in the air. I cried.

But most of it all, it’s just a heartbreaking news to know that you are part of them and it hurts that I cried a river and most of it was for your ocean. Lately have I perceived that there are a lot of rivers that leads to an ocean, not only one. Most of the reasons of the tears I’ve shed was because of you. You were the cause of my grief. You never knew. And perhaps, you’ll never know. I didn’t want to let you know because maybe, not that I'm being so presumptuous, but just maybe if you did, you’ll have to change your plans and that my emotions will drive you to the wrong path. I didn’t want that. That would mess you up. You’ll have regrets and you’ll be really upset when I have always wanted you to be happy. And so, I’ve set you free. I supported you and let you push through to what you really wanted even if seeing you leave would give me such a heartache. Until this time came when I cried, then paused to wonder and ask myself that if you were in my situation and I was in yours, would you cry for me to stay? Probably, you wouldn't. I know, but it’s like climbing a tree without any branch to accept it. The truth hit me so badly. But even though we are to part, I know that everything that happens now is in your hands and it's all for the sake of your future. I am sincerely happy for you. I have loved you and I always will.

And to everyone else, I have loved you too.
It’s really true that life doesn’t always go the way we planned it.

-an advance farewell to the people whom I got attached to and now I am to part with
and most specially to the greatest extent who once told me that I was
e x t r a o r d i n a r y,

h i m.