I don't understand
i made all these plans
For us.

I try to be a happy friend
A generous friend
A kind friend
A fun friend
A thoughtful friend
A loyal friend
A loving friend
A fierce friend

I hope that we can talk together
Sit together
Eat together
Play together
Adventure together
Cry together
Smile together

I ask if we can have that.
You never have time.

So I wait. I try to be patient.

And then I see you give what I want to other people
and I know I have no right to you and no right to be mad
But the envy grows in my belly
like a volcano of grief and loneliness

I fight it

I hate myself for this.

I just want to know why? What am I doing wrong?

Why can't I be loved?
Why isn't anyone excited to see me?
What is wrong with me?
What is so awful about me?

Someone please tell me. I can't withstand this loneliness forever.