I use to tell myself I liked celery
That I loved the tasteless crunch
And how it always got stuck in my teeth
I told myself I loved eating it
And it was all I ate
"Celery helps you lose calories I said"
Not that that's why I was eating it
Not that think I need to lose weight
I mean have you seen me
Even though deep. Down I wish y haven't
I use to cut them up into small pieces
And eat them each slowly because
"It's takes your body 20 minuets to realize its full"
As if 3 cut up pieces of celery would fill me
You never finish your plate
One of the lesser rules of the Ana commandments
And yes I followed the Ana commandments
But i didn't have a problem
You see al I wanted to be as light as a feather
So light that when trouble came the wind would take me away
So light that I will float higher than their expectations
So far up and I can't see how I let them down
It wasn't an addiction
I wasn't mentally Ill
I just wanted to be thin
I wanted to be so tiny that I became translucent
People can look through me and see all the things I was to scared to say out loud
I was never a good liar
So when asked if I eat I just laughed and changed the subject
You see people don't look to hard at you
If you learn how to smile and nod
I could see my ribs piercing at the edge of my skin
My shoulder blades looked like wings so maybe one day I could know how it felt to truly fly
And truly be free
My spine riddled my back as if it spelled out help me in Brail
My collar bone perturded  out so I could follow it to my shoulder
I had no muscle
All the widget I had came from my burden of trying to be perfect
Held on my back as my knees buckled under the weight of my own requirements
I was 5'6
And I weighed 105 pounds
Oh how I wanted to get under 3 digits
The numbers were important to me
The number of calories in my lunch and how I could lower them
How many days I would starve
Until my hip bones looked like hers
I was so skinny I started to see the girl in magazines as fat
And every time I stood up the room would go black
But I knew how to hid he dizziness
And he bruises I would get from little things
Baggy clothes
And jokes about high metabolism
Kept people from looking to hard
No one looked close enough
I wanted to be porcelain
As rare as a diamond
And as fragile as my self esteem
So I taught myself to love celery
But never how to love myself