Transcend Mode

. I did it in the pool one hot night. I floated with a noodle under my knees. I had earplugs in, and it was clear and moonless. I listened to my heart beat. I listened to the stars. I scared myself at one point. My eyes were  unblinking. And I remembered when I had last felt like that.

Have you ever heard of massage being transcendent, as a modality? I looked transcendent up, it means go beyond.

I think there is a threshold of intensity that overwhelmes my conscious self. I thought of it as a test, how far can I go.

At that time I felt less and less like myself. The word is irritated.  Skin crawling. I was hiding my tremor because I was scared of the unknown. I couldn't hide it from you

I left my body. I don't have good words, the experience I reconnected with in the pool. I'm not sure how much of this existed only in my head, that I wanted that experience.

So, anyway, the last appointment was transcendent.