‪all i have is hate in my heart ‬
‪and it's vile‬
‪maybe it's hate to mask the pain i feel - ‬
‪because hate is easier to explain than pain‬
‪maybe it's a heart hardened by years of constant heartbreak and hurt‬
‪maybe it isn't hate ‬
‪maybe it's a lack of understanding ‬
‪maybe it's not me ‬
‪maybe it's all just you‬
‪i will always blame myself for everything - because blaming you means i hurt you ‬
‪and that's the worst feeling in the world and the hardest to come to terms with ‬
‪i can't blame you because i ruined it‬
‪maybe we're both at fault‬
‪but you're honest... i think‬
‪at least you had guts to tell me some sort of truth ‬
‪and not run away like a coward‬
‪but maybe you are a coward‬
‪because you didn't tell me the truth from the beginning ‬
‪did you lie to me?‬
‪you probably don't think you did,‬
‪but i kind of think so and it makes me sick‬
‪you said you were different‬
‪you said you wouldn't do what they did‬
‪i will thank you for not using me for my body ‬
‪and i am grateful that you understood where i was coming from ‬
‪i loved you then, i love you, i truly think i always will love you ‬
‪i'm trying to extinguish the burning hatred‬
‪and numb the pain‬
‪i'm trying my hardest‬
‪but it'll never be enough‬