Did I ever disclose
The exact moment I really found myself
Thinking about you seriously
In the way that the guarded part
Of my heart wouldn't allow me to?

I sat in a crowded room in a new hotel
Quick glances at social media before
The conference started, before the hush
When I scrolled past your face on the screen
Well, more specifically, the top of your head
Looking down, focused intently
On fixing a multi thousand dollar projector
Eager to take on new tasks, very handy, ready to help
And forgetting to sensor my own thoughts
I envisioned you fixing a broken hot water heater
In a starter home for us two
Laughing as you mended trivial things that I broke
Due to my knack for unintentionally destroying
Whatever comes in contact with my hands
But I saw you there with me, in the not-so-distant future
I saw us together, happy, very much in love,
And I thought "Wow, I could marry that man,  I want to"

Then I caught myself
My guarded heart kicked my wandering mind
In the seat of its pants as I teared up and reminded myself
Not to get too attached, not to be too trusting
Not to dream of it, for it won't happen anyway
The part of me that has learned that it is better
To be closed and prudent
Rather than to open my heart up
With the possibility of it shattering

But as I've spent more time with you
Seen your exposed heart and held your hand
Shared mine, showed mine, let you hold mine
I've realized that if I don't open up to the chance
Of having you hurt me
I would never get to experience the sweetness
Of truly loving you with my whole heart

*Perhaps you have been fixing the thing
That needed fixed most of all