Goo at the inside of my eyelids
A sleeping pup in the corner
A flutter of kisses as the light from your window
Greets me in your pants and my nightgown
And everyday that passes
The executioner that hides
Willfully and soundlessly
In the deep circular insides of my
Southern secretly creepy soul
Clamors with an abandon
I constantly battle
With a sword and shield.

Lee Daniels chatters on television
Carrying the same message
I announced on the internet the other day
And each time I expose myself
I see the bare skin
Pink with the ink of a needle
At each increment.

Its a strange time of year
Everyone whistles still longing for vacation
We settle back into our hustle filled nests
Each day I torture myself with something slightly new
But not
As you strive to teach me the things I simply just don't know
But sometimes aren't the best
At phrasing and approaching it.

"Grab the globe"
You said
And we spun it around
Debating where to go
With the 87,000 miles you have collected over time
I long for promises of tomorrow and all the tomorrows after that
Because I've seen the deepest betrayal
Of leaving me in the dust
Only to look back with a severe regret
That hook line and sinker
Tore me through by the neck
And yes, I always went back for more
Surely the fisherman will treat me better this time.

But with each baited catch
I swam away with a fleeting form of disaster
Nearly enough to save my scales
But left the tear in my throat oozing red
As sharks circled nearby
Their fins above water
Waiting for me to wear myself out.

So sometimes
I long to see the finish line
I wanna know this is it
(Even though we both know it is)
I race to disaster because its all I've ever known with men
Theres fear of loathing and failure
At the hum of my guts
And I have all my youth
Struggled to maintain happiness.

This is a long poem
I'm gonna go meet you at your gym
The gym I supported you going to
And run with you in the wind.