i just wish i could fall over on cue.

just to be able to snap my fingers and collapse, wouldn't that be perfect?

the great thing about it would be that
i'd only have to do it
once.

because who dies twice?

i'm so sick of living.
i'm so sick of being punished for doing what i'm told.
i'm so sick of doing what seems right but then learning it's wrong.
i'm so sick of not being able to write anything anymore.
i'm so sick of them.
i'm so sick of her.
i'm so sick of him.
I'm so sick of myself...

is this my last? maybe.
is this my first? perhaps.

all i know is I really don't want to be alive to reread this later.