I should have known this would happen again

They're getting worse

I'm slowly being lured into their trap

I know what this is

The demons within me

They're getting stronger

I can not suppress these feelings much longer

I'm afraid

I know what happens next

The hospital

More pills

More doctors

People saying

"It gets better"

*******

I've been fighting for five years

Every time it just gets worse

They say to look and help others

I do

That's all I ever do

I get so lost in other people's problems I forget my own

Tick… tick… tick…

I'm a time bomb about to detonate

Except no one knows when I will go off

I bury these feelings deep within until everything bottled up

They say to forget

How you can you forget when everything you do points back to them

Shh... It's okay they say

No it's not okay

It's not ******* okay

I'm a mess

A hoarders house looks better than my thoughts

It's normal to go through stages like this I've been told by doctors

Okay so it's normal to want to die?

Okay I'll remind you that that when people tell me how ****** up wanting to die is

I'll remind you that when people think I'm physcotic when I break down because of words said

I tell myself I'll be fine

I do it for my family

I could care less what happens to me

I get texts saying "please don't die"

but what's stopping me?

Oh wait…

Nothing