I don't understand how can a person keep trying to unlock a door that's locked so deeply or doesn't even exists. I don't know how does one get strength to move against something whose still, unmoved, untouched. How does one stay broken but picking up others pieces and try to restore something that can only be fixed by time and self-value. I know I'm whole cause I've been fine and myself, but why do I keep expecting others to want to be in my journey, my struggles and my wins, when they are too focused in themselves and their hate for the world? I can't explain how one's mind works, when I don't know how mine works. But still, I keep trying to understand you, to search for you, to know you, but you don't want me too. Or at least you don't show me you want me to. What to do when all I do is try? I don't stop thinking about giving up, but there's something in this, something that doesn't make me let go. It's a psychological torture, I know it is. I'm letting myself being torture by my cravings, my curiosity, my **** ******* feelings. I want answers, and I want them now! It takes time, but **** time. I want you to tell me the **** is in your head and where the **** do you think this is going. Is it asking much? I know we're different. We've lived different lives, different circumstances, different interactions. But in my world, my self-called world, when you want to know someone, you show them, despise the amount of time you have. I feel like I'm running against a tide. Tell me what you want, what you need, what you're thinking. Is it asking much? I guess not, but your mind works in mysterious ways.