thinking thinking
so much faster than
believing believing
what is it I think I believe
whatever it is
would probably taste great in large doses
become an addict, selfishly seeking
self enlightenment
is that such a bad thing
define "bad thing"
a little too afraid of finding
really finding
the inner
me inner
us hey
lets keep it focused more on you
on you
on us all
because that is my goal that is my heart that is my
volcano
it is so much more appealing
than serving reality to my own
cluttered table
ready ready
to explore explode explore explode
and I think you might understand
you as in
me
trying to focus on who I am
so tired of feeling weak fearing I will
never know
Here I am: alone
that is how it is
promise it's not a "bad thing"
I don't feel upset, sad, lonely
alone is alive and well and okay
alone in the sense that a river does not
have help while it rushes
that is on its
own
so I must find why I write letters to no one
must I find why I write letters to no one?
purpose purpose
purpose
I think thinking is
swell
swelling in my life supposed to be anyway but swelling is
usually bad yeah? but maybe it is okay
to make my head bigger
than my heart

why
why
why
why

asking why constantly is the only way to earn a shovel
earn it
everything comes so easily and without effort
these days there is always selling
these days
.........
moving on
would you answer yes in a survey asking
do you try?
digging within digging within others
in
side
these
rooms
[waterfalling]
through the curtain
im asking

why

im asking you to
peer harder there is always a crack somewhere and you and I and we
can find it and pull it away and then
do
what
ever
you
want
~~~~~ h          ~~~
       ~a~~
                          ~~  r          ~~~~
~~~~~~~         m
          ~~~~~~          o
               ~~~~                n
                                           ­ ~~~      y    ~~~
harmony is
what
ever
you
want
perhaps more than just swelling though
understanding
this life
understanding
the purpose
purposefully locking the door
the door to your house so you can unlock the door to
[your house]
and walk into rooms
completely empty
learning that empty is good learning that
less is more
haven't seen that yet
I want to hold as much as I can grab that is
success yes?
as much as I can grab
look how much I am
burdened and see how much I
like it
no not the empty rooms
never set foot in those places
way too much
distraction
in the window
I love being part of the view
the view of
waking up in the morning and
not listening to the
the map
that was made for
all of us
rip it up
can you
will you
won't you?
can I
will I
won't I?
hoping hoping
to dream while
walking not
sleep walking not at all but yes
I can
decide to live
instead of survive
what am I doing in each day
is each day doing what it can
for me
lacking lacking lacking
in my
potential
because I so admire the brushstrokes and layers
that I see everyday but everyday I pretend
it is something I haven't seen before
I am programmed to want all those paintings as my own to hang in my
cluttered house yet is success my own program
something I want
I want....something
give me an empty room and i'll think more
on that
do you think you know
what you want
will you ever take the time to ask
why