I cant be surprised when nobody calls.
When all I have is ignore texts.
I cant be surprised when nobody visits.
When all I have is shut myself in my room
when visitors come.
All my effort and time has been used
To build walls, even between family.
Mi madre yells at me,
"Si quieres estar sola. Sola quedaras. Sola te moriras"
I thought she was being dramatic.
But then I answered phone calls,
Welcome guests to my home.
I tried my best to have a smile in my face,
But I had a knot in my throat
And a remolino in my stomach.
I no longer know how to be out of my soledad.
So decided to go back to my soledad.
After a while, I noticed what my mother had said.
I was slowly dying.
I was dying in the inside out.
I couldnt blame nobody else but me.