There's only one place I can think of that I've ever really felt at peace.
Maybe because I was so ******* young.
Before my own corruption
before my ego
became the demon perched
on my shoulder
fingers digging deep into me.
Maybe it's why I find it hard
to fall asleep on my right side.
I'm learning to smile more,
worry less.
It's hard.
Very hard.
I have a great job
where I work my hardest
to make my customers happy
because
no one should eat in a sour mood.
No one ever said that to me
but I think I'll tell it to my kids.
What a scary thought.
My heads all over the place.
It's been months
Months since I last attempted
to allow my thoughts to shift
from the ever approaching future
to
To
To the bitter and cold spectrum
of human emotion I leave in my wake. Much like the edges of our vast
and ever expanding universe.
I feel I can only move forward
but
I keep finding myself peering to my left shoulder
in hopes that the space where the angel is supposed to guide me from
will no longer be vacant.
My life isn't bad.
My life isn't a waste.
So why,
why do I find myself wishing
Wishing I was dead.
Where do I go from here?
Where do I direct this anger?
Why am I angry?
Why am I so ******* empty?
What could I be missing?