i wanted to tell you that i loved you. really, i did.
i wanted to tell you that, when i looked at you, i choked on the words and promises i couldn't self-induce myself to *****.
i wanted to tell you that the curve of your guitar under your hands made me question if you would hold my body the same.
i wanted to tell you that you're the only one that made me smell like summertime.
i wanted to tell you that things were going wrong, i swear.
i wanted to tell you that i started to drown those words because you made me not want to say them anymore.
i wanted to tell you that i did not kiss that boy and i did not **** the other.
i wanted to tell you that i didn't move on, i found someone to find my corpse.
i wanted to tell you that i fell in love with him purely by accident.

i want you to know that you're the one who let this go.
i want you to know that i said those words; you're the one that took them back.
i want you to know that sometimes words cannot be erased from hearts, even if you erased it from your walls.
i want you to know that you were not the only one, and sometimes i am sorry for that.
i want you to know that you're trying too hard to forget me, that you're only making this worse.
i want you to know that you were a "failed attempt i never could forget," but a failed attempt all the same.
i want you to know that i probably think about this more than you do, but i feel less than you ever did.
i want you to know that i did more with him than i'll ever admit, and i don't regret that in the slightest. i gave him everything you didn't want.
i want you to know that he never found my corpse, but he saved me all the same.