i had a nightmare
two nights ago

that i was running some
kind of winter errand
and had my family
and friends behind me

when at the top of the sagging
brown stairs before the darkly
scratched door i encountered
an unexpected sight

holly
spinning and twirling
in a black and white
polyester dress

curls bouncing as
she danced
she sang and
pounced on me

i tried to pull the
red scarf on my
head over my face
but it was too late

she was after me with
an aggressive laying on
of hands and smearing a
full bottle of bubblegum
scented anointing oil all
over my face and clothes

i was hoping for
some kind of backup
but my friends were gone
like we were fourteen again
and it was my job to
make a pastoral request
or deal with the questions
except this time they were
somewhere further away
than just behind me

and she was pulling
on me and my parents
were pushing me
further into the room

which was lined with
a dozen folding tables
and a single woman
at each one

gigi was there
and judith and a
lot of other people
whose faces i can't
recall and they were
all carrying on a
great deal and as
soon as they saw me

they all converged
on me asking how i
had been and what
i had been doing and
trying to make me
dance and praying
and shouting and
singing and hollering
in tongues and
my parents were
insisting this was
what i really needed

and i couldn't breathe
the side door was
cracked open car
outside but the more
i fought to get away
the more they held
me down i could smell
the cold winter air and
was so close and yet
so far from escape

i had a nightmare
two nights ago

and you might
call it a dream but
i call it a nightmare
because i woke up
gasping for air and
twisting in my sheets.