“Thank You for Being
Such a Valued Customer”

From the Satellite Provider

And, oh! Have we got a deal for you!
We looted a channel, we’ve raised your rates
We know you’ve paid, but you’re still overdue
We teased you with some weekend movie baits
Which ought to be included anyway
We’re the worst service in history’s annals
We fu(dge) your contract almost every day

And

We want you to buy even more channels!