I’d like to think that we’re not so different
But we, essentially, strive for different things
I might yearn for love like you do but its not what I live each day for
You might seek to prove yourself but never in the way I do
For as long as I’m important to someone
Do I deserve to breathe the air and live

At least that’s what I think
What am I without those who think I’m important
Why, I’d be unimportant
Useless even
Pointless but still adrift without a purpose
My only want is to never stop being important
But sadly my dream, along with my heart, is always crushed

Maybe that’s where we are similar
Both constantly denied the one true thing to make us happy
Denied happiness
Denied a need to live
But I could never compare myself to you

I don’t even begin to compare to you
I live as a child, always attention seeking
I try to stop it but my true self refuses to be contained or hidden
I am meaningless

I know this because it has been proven countless times
Again and again even since early childhood
Maybe some people aren’t meant to be happy
Maybe I’m not meant to be happy
Maybe I’m meant to suffer

Or maybe I’m meant to suffer for others
To give up my happiness so I can see others’
Ridiculous to deny what I already act like
I do sacrifice for other’s happiness
But there lies my lowness again

I make others happy only so I am not pointless
I care for others so they care for me
And I live in duality
Like two of me

One of me is hopeless with no reason to live
And ready to die
And the other is hopeful with knowledge that I really am not useless
Or worthless or any other condemning state of being
And I’m stuck between two realities
Both happy and dead at the same time

And now I don’t even make sense to myself.

What do I mean to you
Am I only the option
Something that exists that is kept for later convenience
A lie
Or maybe I’m not worthless
You’ll never convince me
I know I am
Ask everyone that’s ever spit in my face and walked away from me what my worth is

Maybe you can tell me what all this means
I can’t.
Even if I’ve wrote it
I’m senseless and my writing is just me throwing thoughts into my writing
without knowing If it makes sense
or if it even goes together

Maybe it all leads up to the question?
Why?

Why is it that I’ve mattered to no one?
Why is it that my happiness is always put aside by others?
Why cant I trust someone when they say they wont leave me like the rest?
I think I know

Its because the worst is always proven when they walk away
No matter what they said and promised
No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I put aside for other people
Especially myself

What I the point of even trying?
I don’t think ill ever know
But other me has hope
And when there is still hope there is no end
Maybe ill suffer till my end

Prove me wrong.