you loved me once
in a way not so readily understood
in a gut wrenchingly
passionately
mad
sort of way
in a riddle
hidden in between lips

like a secret
without a language, shared only
with saliva and in between silences
our tongues join together..
Like dandelion fuzz after a mornings mist.
in clumps we are intertwined
forever together
while destined
for opposite sides of the world.
we hold hands
as we walk through the fire
hands are cold dead
but your heart is beating strong in your chest
and your fingers feel warm and familiar running through my hair
like an old home, a nostalgic type of feeling.
your
skin it feels like December
you shiver
like a snake
I should’ve known
     I should’ve known.
how cold blooded you really were
but there is warmth all around us now
embers falling from the sky
refracted light
only it bounces off of you
and absorbs into me
im not gonna call you a monster
because  
I could have sworn you
were someone different
     when i looked up at the stars with you all those years ago
i want to believe that we never shared that tender moment
i want to forget
i want

the pain to seep out of my skin and into the soil around me
and grow flowers
i want to let my bones lay there in peace
as i slowly collect my
pride and dignity.

you loved me once in a unrequited not so easily understood
hand around your throat type of way
and I loved you with excuses to my friends and the nights filled with bonfires, kissing bottles to forget the pain.
I loved you with the sound of rain outside my window at 3am  
kissing the pavment
hard
smacking
passionate.
I loved you with tolerance and submission
kisses with fists
brusies blooming like spring blossoms
From every corner and inch of me
I was naive to ever think someone could be more then a stranger to you.
I am so angry for letting you hurt me
at you. but mostly myself
I am not sure if that part will ever go away.
but that tolerance I once had for the abuse I am learning for myself.
and
what we use to pretend was love
I will no longer.