Disclaimer:
I started writing this in a hotel room in Montreal
August heat locked in battle
With an air conditioner that sounded likely to explode
Amidst the neon cascade
And symphony of traffic outside in the nightly noise
My friend had drifted off to sleep
And I had nothing but my thoughts.
All of them were concentrated on you.

Body:
People tell me I'm wise
But wisdom is gained and earned.
So what lesson am I learning from this?
I could stare unblinking at the stars
Basking in moonlight
To ask for answers from their ageless eyes
But my ears heard crickets and tree sighs.
With no answer from outside
I looked within and
Rushed to blame myself.
Was I some parasite,
Who ate at all your empathy
Kindness
And compassion
Until there was nothing for me left?
Did I say something wrong?
Did I say something right
But I didn't say it enough
Or I said it too much.
Did I do something wrong?
Did I selfishly lean on you during my darkest days?
Cognitive distortion blinding me from everything but myself?
Or did I try too much? To be something I couldn't?
My therapist says I can't be an answer to all the problems in the world.
I agree. But the child inside who still wants to be a hero
I'm not sure can ever believe that.
If I could trade away my voice
For one more conversation
I would listen to you for an age.
I would sell my sight
So that my hands could rebuild a bridge
I don't even know still exists.
If I could I would kneel before God and spend the last of my faith
If I could call you something again.
I would call you "friend"
Someone who could stand by my side
And that I hope I never treated you as if
You were meant to wait at my feet.
And when we think of one another
We can use the word "are"
Instead of "used to".
What kills me the most,
Is not there's no answer
But that it's silence.
And that's all you have left to say

Conclusion
And now I just have one last thing to say
You mean the moon to me, and you always might.
We used to tell one another that
And I just wanted to say it
One
Last
Time.