I'm tired of sitting on a bench alone
Shivering in the cold
Reading a book but being distracted by people walking by.
I'm tired of hoping I won't be late
Setting alarms to ensure I leave
Walking so fast the cold air makes my lungs hurt.
I'm tired of having him on my mind
Wanting him near me
Loving him with all my heart so there is none left for myself.
I'm tired of feeling pressured
Panicking if I don't get something right
Hoping I don't disappoint those around me.
I'm tired of keeping up appearances
Trying to see people
Forcing myself to go out and be myself.
I'm tired of sleepless nights
Tossing and turning
Watching the shadows turn as morning comes.
I'm tired of making lists
Checking things off
Having to do it to make myself feel like something is under control.
I'm tired of crying in the shower
Making it as hot as I can stand
Using the running water to conceal my tears.
I'm tired of not being good enough
Being told I just wasn't right
Seeing everyone around me succeed.
I'm tired of being here
Knowing that I can't ever take a break
Hoping that soon it will look up.