Just because I’m smiling,
Doesn’t mean I’m happy.
Maybe I just have a preference,
That I’d rather be here,
With you,
Not feeling great,
But just not feeling terrible
For a little while.
Just taking a little break from the world.
The same world
That tells us no,
Or rather, tells me no.
It gives you a choice,
And you just relay its message.
How cruel of the world,
To take someone beautiful like you
And place you in a confining box,
As a mere messenger to me
That we will never be together.
But here we are,
Together,
But apart.
In the same place but not intimately,
Not for you at least,
And intimacy must run north and south,
But for me, my God, for me!
Being this close is a sky dive,
Every second it appears I’m going to crash into the Earth
But I just don’t care!
Because I’ve never felt a rush like this before,
And yet for you, it’s like sitting in a coffee shop
With your mother.
Who only wants to know you
To know a morsel of your private life,
To know you trust her in some form.
But she’s your mother,
And her friendship is underwhelming to you,
Like the black coffee you drink.
So that’s what I’m reduced to,
According to your attitude.
To a prying mother that you respect more than you love.
Although I’m a man,
Just a man in love with you
Who would love to be loved back.
And no matter how obvious you hint
That things just aren’t like they used to be,
That we’ll never be as close as we once were,
Ever again,
Still I will love to sit here.
Just to look at your radiant face
And the three freckles that guard the right corner of your mouth
As if your delicate lips must ask them for permission
Each time you grace me with one of your careful smiles.
I live for these smiles,
Both to make them and enjoy them.
To bask in their warmth
Like a happy crocodile
Waiting for the water to evaporate off his scales
And to make them!
Dear God, to make them!
There is no finer pleasure in this world for a man
For any man
Than to make a sly remark
Followed by a shared smile between only me and you
I lived for these moments and sadly still do
Even though it seems each smile
Is now a hollow shell
A mold cast by your beauty
That could never be fully replicated
I haven’t seen true joy in your smile
For some time now
And I wonder who’s to blame
But blaming solves nothing so I just love to sit here
Pondering your face,
The beauty I see in your smile,
The hint of longing melancholy in your eyes,
And the tragedy my heart notices at your lips
That you don’t want to touch them to mine.