I don’t have that friend…

Who I trust with everything.
Who is here in 10 minutes.
Who I can be lazy with.
Who I can watch movies with.
Who I can call at 3 AM.
Who I can cry on.
Who encourages me.
Who tells me it will be OK.
Who is always on my side.
Who watches me laugh insanely.
Who surprises me.
Who wishes with me.
Who waits with me.
Who hugs me.
Who is proud of me.
Who wants me.
Who needs me.
Who loves me.

I used to have that friend.

She asked me never to leave.
And I never did.
She was scared
And so was I.
But she built up some fake facade
And I sat by.
I waited and
I watched to see if she would come back.
But it became too much.

I miss that I used to have that friend.

She helped me grow with Christ.
She helped me in my mental fights.
She was my best friend.

It’s hard to say goodbye when the person’s being doesn’t actually leave.

Sometimes I think about making the choices she has made.
The love,
The lust,
The parties,
The “cool” personality.
I think about making those mistakes.
I can fail one class.
I can drink one drink.
I can **** one soul.

I don’t have that friend anymore.
And I won’t have one for a while.

But I do have a sister.
I have people who need me even though I don’t want them to.
I have people who say “I love you” to me although those words don’t come out of my mouth anymore.
I have a sister, so I have a friend.