you talked to me
you, you, y-you spoke to me through those times
you came to my side and refused to leave someone who seemed "as sick as i was"

when we- er, i- woke up that day- evening?, whatever- and saw that the blaring sun wasnt a dream,
the gulls still sung careless calls , the ocean fell and rose, and the sand on my wrists was warm;
it wasnt a dream. it wasnt.

and, hell. I was scared. Terrified, confused, whatever.
I mean, one second i'm outside and.. im hopeful
then i'm just.. then im just sitting there wallowing in my own despair, crying to myself about how disorienting and unsettling this whole situation was.

but..
you gave me your hand.
y-yu-you gave me your hand
you reached out for me and refused to let me cry, you somehow knew that was for the best too

maybe you should have let me cry.
you said that i "...shouldn't feel worried about things [i] have no control over...".
That's a bit paradoxical inof itself.
isn't having no control over something what hopelessness is?
am i wrong?

though, as of now, that was a bit of a red flag.
i should have seen it sooner

you tried to **** him, you know.
you claim that you did it for...
for..
for some stupid, crazy reason that nobody but you can ******* comprehend!

but, you didn't have to do this to yourself for that same reason.

you were lifeless.

you somehow... constantly, like, gave me some weird... white-black abomination of hope that- for, whatever reason,- you wrapped in despair.

...hey.
did you think that that last trial would have given me the hope i needed?
did you think that you were helping me when you killed yourself?

I don't understand.

If it had only missed.

If.. If you weren't so **** lucky for your plan to've worked out the way it did.
If somehow that spear had just missed you,
if it had just.. if it'd just missed you.

then i'd be hopeful.






Hope is defined as: "a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen"; or "a feeling of trust".

Despair is defined as: "the complete loss or absence of hope"; "lose or be without hope".









...if only it had missed.
i'd be able to be hopeful again.