When he tells you you're pretty
Smile and say
" i know."
Do not frown when he doesn't use any other word to describe you.
You are deeper than any ocean he's ever swam in
laugh at how he'll never know your depth.
when your friends swish the word feminism in their mouth like its *****
Do not yell at them.
Nod with your arms crossed
and stop paying attention mid sentence,
because you know they'd do that to you.
when the doctor gives you the pills
that make you restless
take them.
go to school with your eyes baggy and swollen
Try not to cry when people point them out
Just say
"I have a test today. I crammed all night."
do not get upset  when your old jeans do not fit.
Your medicine is making you gain weight
Pat your tummy in my mirror and try to smile.
start crying ten minutes later
When your friend says his boyfriend is friends with your ex girlfriend
tell him about how it ended
leave out the **** and emotional abuse
Say it doesn't bother you people think she's a good person
Don't tell your mother
Don't tell your counselor
Don't tell your teacher
write it in a poem
And when you read it out loud shake
Realize nothing will ever be easy
Start being clean until you can stop counting the days on your fingers
Know this doesn't mean you're okay
When your mom asks why you haven't gotten your drivers permit
do not tell her it's because you knew if you had a car you'd crash it,
Until a million ashes burned your body.
that's what you want,
and you hate yourself so much for it.
Instead,
Just look at the ground
ashamed and whisper
"I don't know"
read the book until that's all you can remember
they wouldn't understand anyways.
Listen to all the songs she wrote about you
Start believing everything she said was true.
see yourself as
ugly
unlovable
too rough around the edges.
pretend like it doesn't bother you.
pretend you are what others mold you into.
pretend.
because it's easier that way.