Sep 2016
The mind forgets the blueprint pain of the drug and will only remember the difference and distortion it enables. A new pattern of reality that leaves behind the mundane and prosaic of chatter and routine that we die to escape. And when awoken the next day it craves the difference and excitement that only comes in stride with chemical pain.
"The question is frequently asked: Why does a man become a drug addict? The answer is that he usually does not intend to become one. One morning you wake up sick and you're an addict."
I understand. I do. I woke up our first morning in love with you and spent the next 86,400 minutes of my life trying to find a way to tell you. Now, I soak my roses in Gin and Jack Daniels and that is the only way they'll live. I watched the entire world fall to rubble in front of me one night, and I saw you rebuild it from the ash the next day. The last four moments of my dreams this morning before waking, I spent lying next to you. You told me I had a massive nose and you smiled because you laugh at your own jokes, and you play card games that you don't know how to play so you slam your cards down when ever you feel like it with the confidence of someone who had just won the entire universe even when you had nothing. You are the girl that someone will write about for the rest of their lives, because you looked perfect in a sweater, and the color red was made just for you, and you looked lovely while you were looking, and maybe you didn't win the world, but you did become mine. I know I created the glass case housing the hardships keeping you from me, but you kept your gentle eyes on my shattering soul. You watched me as my breath started to catch. And I need you to know that there is fear that my heart may stop in my sleep, and the bottle that my life pours from may cap. But until then and after, I will keep gentle eyes on your silver bathed soul. I will watch you as your breaths deepen each time. I will use my love to keep you here and alive. Even after all of the mess, you still looked beautiful. Always better than had been, never less. The moment before I woke you kissed me and it played over..
"She imagines him imagining her. This is her salvation."
-This is my salvation. -To wake to you and watch the sun burn the night alive.
My dreams this morning were... something. And I thought of this piece. Out of everything I've done, this portrays my soul most. -And at the end of everyday, I leave the world behind on my way home to you.
"The question is frequently asked: Why does a man become a drug addict? The answer is that he usually does not intend to become one. One morning you wake up sick and you're an addict."
I understand. I do. I woke up our first morning in love with you and spent the next 86,400 minutes of my life trying to find a way to tell you. Now, I soak my roses in Gin and Jack Daniels and that is the only way they'll live. I watched the entire world fall to rubble in front of me one night, and I saw you rebuild it from the ash the next day. The last four moments of my dreams this morning before waking, I spent lying next to you. You told me I had a massive nose and you smiled because you laugh at your own jokes, and you play card games that you don't know how to play so you slam your cards down when ever you feel like it with the confidence of someone who had just won the entire universe even when you had nothing. You are the girl that someone will write about for the rest of their lives, because you looked perfect in a sweater, and the color red was made just for you, and you looked lovely while you were looking, and maybe you didn't win the world, but you did become mine. I know I created the glass case housing the hardships keeping you from me, but you kept your gentle eyes on my shattering soul. You watched me as my breath started to catch. And I need you to know that there is fear that my heart may stop in my sleep, and the bottle that my life pours from may cap. But until then and after, I will keep gentle eyes on your silver bathed soul. I will watch you as your breaths deepen each time. I will use my love to keep you here and alive. Even after all of the mess, you still looked beautiful. Always better than had been, never less. The moment before I woke you kissed me and it played over..
"She imagines him imagining her. This is her salvation."
-This is my salvation. -To wake to you and watch the sun burn the night alive.
My dreams this morning were... something. And I thought of this piece. Out of everything I've done, this portrays my soul most. -And at the end of everyday, I leave the world behind on my way home to you.
