11.21.11

I really hope
with all of my heart and soul
that I'm not a bad person.
I really hope,
with every fiber of my being,
that I won't let you down.
but in the end,
I let down everyone that
has ever cared about me.
what you don't understand,
is that the past men,
have been in your shoes.
They have felt how you feel.
And I have let them down.
Every one of them.
I love you.
Am I in love with you?
In time I will be.
Do I care about you?
More than anything,
But will that change in time?
I am hoping,
that my fickle ways have changed over
time.
With maturity
and growth.
You need to leave me.
because I am not who you perceive me to be.
I am no one of consequence.
I want to be the person you portray me as.
but I fear I am the opposite.
Was I born good?
Or was I always this way?
Will I ever discover
the answers?

do I want to?