11.5.11
Sometimes the past comes back.
Like a train it
hits me at full force,
knocking me down and
leaving me questioning
everything I thought was me.
The sadness hits me
like a tidal wave,
drowning out all other
emotions and
transcending all
rational thoughts.
Everything is
so ****** up.
We are all
so ****** up.
Nothing is our fault.
Nothing is real.
It all feels so
hopeless.
So surreal.
Love is not enough.
Hate is not
strong enough,
but emotions are all we have.

And they will be the death of me.

The one who saved my life.
Cared about me more than anyone else,
I erased
and discarded,
like spitting out a piece of
5 cent gum at a
****** convenience store.

Everyone that matters
must be left behind.
Because feelings are dangerous.
And I hate these kind.

Suicide is selfish,
but sometimes it’s all we feel
we have.
Love is relative,
but brings more bad than good.

Is it worth it?

I can’t help others,
if they won’t let me.
I can’t save the world,
so I’ll just let be.

I break everything I touch.
**** everything I love.
When people break though,
I shatter.
I've left all I thought
that really matter.

do I deserve this?

Because these are the questions that keep me awake at night.