Funny how a poor choice in words has become a part of my reality. I have a new medicine to treat this for now too, don't worry.

There's a madness in having to learn who you are without the monster. I felt ever alone and painful when it was breaking down my door. But now without it, some days its hard to tell what my toes look like. I can't even explain the reason I fixate on toes, and how they look at feel. Perhaps because they are the only thing that keep me on the ground.

I got so good at understanding monsters and demons. Its hard to look in the mirror and understand the human that was behind the yellow eyes and ****** nails.

I feel an emptiness at night. I dunno if its because my head isn't screaming or if its because no one's here with me. Everything's just so **** blurry. I don't know as much as I wish I did.

I think I know who I am. I know the words keep me grounded and they are what's closest to my heart. But past that? it gets hard. Past the words its like I'm not I'm a person. I'm just anthropomorphic fingers across a keyboard, stringing a story together. Possibly even mine.

My eyes are so blurry.

I want to figure out this human I reside in better. I don't know her nearly as well as I should. I know the demons that possess her, but when we sit alone at a table the words that keep her sane and the monsters that keep her not are the only things that tie us together. Its hard to carry a conversation when both of those are too far out of reach.

Should I manage my time better for my writing? I already feel like I plan everything more than I should.

Should I try new things? It already feels like I have far more on my plate than I can handle.\

Should I keep forward, hoping this will pass? God knows letting things pass almost killed everything once before.

I said it too well. I don't feel grounded. Just drifting. I need to feel stable and on the ground, instead of in this floating plane of uncertainty. It feels so unknown and unsafe and makes a sick feeling overtake my stomach. It attacks best while I'm alone, while its nice, while my mind has less to distract itself from what's happening.

I want to feel right again.

I guess I just feel very left right now, and not in a great way.

Soon enough I'll be home. Well, full home. I've got 75% of it. Now just need the last bit left to feel like there's an anchor to the mortal plane.

Hunting for the human within can be a little disorienting. I just need my human, with his loving hands, to give me a tie back to the world. I've been without him far too long already.

I'm somewhere around here. Just need a little more help to find her.

Soon.