8 years old
so innocent and young
childish and bold
impeccable yappy tongue
eyes bright as stars
thoughts big like daylight
dreams near and far
with no reasonable insight
but I liked who I was
anyone would've too
my heart free of lust
and sorrow and you

13 years old
take a deep breath
daring and bold
jump into the depth
of the deepest pool yet
fire blazing in the chest
graceful arms and sturdy legs
rushing towards the shore
sigh oh my life is surely
at stake no more

18 years old
life is at stake
doing as told
letting everyone take
the brave and the bold
bits and pieces of my heart
trying to walk the path
I never knew from the start
that would bring the world's wrath
upon my nervous frightened being
upon the crumbly dry soil
never really seeing
the mounting turmoil
up in the skies ahead
bound in the ties of thread

23 years old
where am I now
hands leaning forward to fold
shirts blankets and towels
loose hanging hair
blank abiding stare
bottoms of feet bare
brows burrowed in confusion
at the sudden deep intrusion
of the heavy quilt of sorrow
and anger remorse and fear
of waiting for tomorrow
of desperate salty tears
why do I cry
I can't comprehend
but it's because something passed by
that could've saved me in the end
but I just keep on breathing to pretend
like all the others I follow the trend

29 years old
what I have done
body mind heart sold
in a great package of one
to a tyrant who relishes
in pain anger and fear
the only things it cherishes
the loved stained bitter tears
of my stolen heart
beating in the dark hole
no longer apart
of my being or my soul

34 years old
dreary eyes and faded lights
laughter and warmth it stole
from my wavering drab sight
what is this spell
I am going blind!
I want out of this hell
and back into the light
but there's no strength to scream
the hands won't move an inch
tearful ****** cheeks gleam
muscles throbbing and pinched

*******
it echoes and bounces
RIGHT NOW IT WILL STOP
my anguished dripping voice announces

...

I want to live my life
I want to be free
I want to smile and thrive
I want to once again be
the young and bright
8 year old me.