And so I've learned to swallow it.
The counter arguments. The insults.
The countless times you've done worse.
I could win every argument you throw at me but I won't,
Because I'm hurt over it.
Because I'm enraged.
Because you and your senseless words spell that
No matter what I say, no matter what I do
I am pathetic.
I am the lesser.
I am nothing.
I have learned that victory is tasteless around you
Because I still end up wrong,
Because you never hear me.
You never heard the weight of my emotions,
My anxiety, my OCD, the reason I went on the pills,
The reason why I drink myself to sleep some nights,
The reason why I'm different.
Why bother?
It always falls down the empty void of
"You're too sensitive. You're too sensitive. You're too sensitive."
I have learned to swallow it because I have learned that
You don't want to listen to someone who is burgeoning with emotions no one else knows how to hold.
I am shaking and my throat is burning but I'm not worried
Because I have long since memorized the hellfire of anxiety.
I know the dance of panic attacks step by step.
I know how to laugh it off even though I'm dry heaving in the bathroom stalls because
I know how to ******* endure.

I will swallow this encounter and swallow every insult you hurl at me as this wrong against you keeps rising from the dead
Because even though I'm the devil to you,
You wouldn't have it any other way.