And for some reason At the depth of it all I have fallen back into the deepest groove of my own suffering.
I do not know how or why this pain has come back. Or why it refuses to leave.
Deep down at the bottom of everything I am surrounded -- By perfect monstrous silence Echoing gently the constant reminder Of my own isolation.
I haven't felt this alone in years. At least not consciously so. Face to face with failure: The deepest kind of suffering. The very essence of sadness.
The darkest part of darkness.
Nothing but this: Alone again as always Irrational misbehavior Living always in a tortured instance.
The world isn't so bad But the experience itself Is a whole different thing.
I'd rather die right now than walk inside and put on a happy face. Splice myself open and drain away.
The inexplicable suffering of my life Has taken hold of me Mysterious, unsubtle.
Always and forever.
I lost the will to live again. I wonder why this always happens.