i dont know when that gate was put up
but i remember when we were small enough to slide through that doorway
on our hands and knees
under blankets, pretending that couldnt see
my blanket was thrown out without choice
but you still keep yours close.

i dont remember how the floor felt when it was clean,
or what exactly the space behind the couch looked like without the pool table's frame and no christmas tree
logic tells me
that table didnt always block the fireplace,
but i dont remember it any other way.

we used to slide down those stairs on our *****
but that wide step in the corner was where i liked to sit
and that window by my door, where i learned
we can see rain.

why weren't we allowed in the back yard?
we didn't we want to go into the back yard?

so many nights spent sleeping on that couch
i know it couldn't have been my entire childhood but when did i
ever
sleep in that bed?

they trimmed back the hedges and painted our house.
everything is clean and respectable
and detestable.