Because I thought I needed you,
I thought that I loved you.

I never thought I could be someone
Who would become so entrapped by the mind of another.
I considered myself to be strong. Independent. Able.

No matter how far we were in distance,
You managed to push me further and further into a mold I'd never fit;
A mold I came to believe I needed to embody.
Because you'd leave me if I didn't, I thought.
And I thought I needed you.

But it was impossible to share myself with you
When I was constantly forced into that mold,
Impossible to feel safe when I was told, "I love you" after you hit me.
It is impossible that I was really loved by a person whose touch caused me to sneak into the shower to clean myself,
and cry.
But still, I always came crawling back.
"I'm sorry," I'd say.
"It's my fault."

Two years later, I know.
It was never my fault you asked me to kiss the floor.
It was never my fault you needed me to tell you,

"You own me."

It was never my fault you forced yourself on me,
And it was never my fault you couldn't take "no" for an answer.
It will never be my fault.

I should not have let you take my dignity, my body, or my person.
But then again, you shouldn't have tried to take it.

Because I thought I needed you,
I know I never loved you.