i’m learning how to be happy again,
i appreciate the concern,
i swear i’m okay.
really.
my friends ask me for advice on their relationships,
it’s senior year.
everyone is drifting away from each other.
it hasn’t even been a month.
we start filling out our college apps
and the stress crashes into our bodies
like a tidal wave
you're just as ****** up
As the rest of us,
And strangers tell me to stay far away from you
"Stay safe" written on my Facebook messages
and the makeup stings my eyes
it's 12:00 a.m.
we're playing brand new
As the noblesville air hits our skin
while people shout inaudible words out of their cars
in my dreams we're still together.
we don't hate eachother.
or talk about the past,
we're best friends
and we're walking on the beach
next to this old antique shop.
In my dreams the past doesn't exist,
and you're the person I thought you were.
i start to miss you.
But I know my dreams are filthy liars.
you're not the angel I thought you were.
you are the complete opposite.
I could never love you again.
I could never be your best friend.
my dreams are filthy liars.
I lay in my bed hoping to fade into it.
I don't want to see you ever again.
keep my name out of your mouth.
Stop shaming me for ***
When that's all you wanted
even when I told you
No.
My sister warned me of girls that would use me,
but oh god,
I never knew
that it would be the poet
with the pale boney skin
and beautiful green eyes I swore I got lost in every second I looked at them.
You were supposed to be one of the good ones
But your pretty face will never make up for you deceitfulness.
you can write as many poems about me being toxic as you want
but it won't make you a better person.
telling people no one will love them,
*** shaming your exes
and using the things they fear most,
will never make you the person you want to be.
I told you about my father.
How he almost overdosed.
How he needs a breathing machine
How he tried to **** himself,
How I would never ever
do the things he did,
but my feelings weren't as important
As a ****** one minute poem.
I trusted you,
But the minute I told you the truth about
how you had been toxic to me,
all of that suddenly didn't matter to you.
Even though you swore you only wanted the truth.
But when you said my feelings were valid
And it was okay if we didn't speak anymore,
You lied.
But what's new?
Self help books and Internet searches will never fix it.
and if I have a child,
I will warn them so many times.
But I'm still the crazy one.
Who could never be loved.
You told me you had a dream I jumped into an ocean.
I'm sure it doesn't scare you anymore.