Reaching out
Wanting you to see
That I need you now more than ever
But you are not there
You never are
I feel so stupid,
Looking for you in the shadows
Everywhere I go
Wanting you to be there
Wanting you to see
Wanting you to want me
Waiting and watching
For any sign of a response
But nothing
No reaction
Not response
I miss your voice
And the way you’d hold me
The way you’d comfort me
If I would wake up crying
Every night you were gone
I’d pray to god
That he’d bring you home
That you would be there tomorrow
And never leave us again
Always saying you had to work
But really just trying to escape
Scared I would crawl into your bed
You were never there
The sound of muffled weeping
Breaking the silence
Looking at the closet door
Pain filling my heart
You would ask to be forgiven
For all the wrong you had done
For not being able to do everything
Sitting there not understanding
I’d close my eyes and ask god
To forgive me, to show me
What I needed to do
What it was that I was doing wrong.
Waking up
The feel of arms around my body
Closing my eyes again
Not believing
Not understanding
When I open them again
It’s all gone again
And so are you