It's not his fault you're ****** up.
It's so easy to attribute your feelings to him because they started around the same time you guys did, but have you ever really thought about it? The fear, the panic, the confusion, it never had anything to do with who he is. Who he is has been perfect. You literally thought he was perfect. You've since learned it's not exactly true, but you've also learned that you're okay with how he messes up. That's GOOD. That's LOVE. All of your feelings, all of the void - it's you. It's just you. Don't blame him. He's done nothing, he's been nothing wrong. He's tried to be there for you, and you know he cares about you and loves you. What more can you ask for? He's doing his part. Why don't you try doing yours? Get better. Change the one thing that is wrong - you. Don't consider hurting him or what you have together because it's the only thing that keeps you going. It'll be there when you feel better again, and you will be so thankful you didn't sacrifice it for no reason. Don't try and fix your relationship, it's not broken. Fix yourself and let him hold your hand while you do it.