I love him  I do  just not in a true love sort of way  in a way where I understand I will love other people and he is my first and therefore precious but I’m terrified of one day not loving him because there is so much doubt when you’re 18 and leaving home for the big city with a heart that’s always been treated nicely  and there’s a sort of fear in the way boys tend to step on young girls and laugh over the harsh crunching sound underfoot  like a crisp leaf in the autumn  tender until the cold front  I love him and I’m terrified of never finding someone who will love me the  way  he  has  even despite the flaws and lacks and losses  where can I find a boy so genuine and innocent  who’s never tasted the skin of another girl under his tongue and looks into my eyes with the passion and lust and  overwhelming beauty in which he fastens his cloudy sky coloured irises onto my two oceans
where can I find a heart so willing to wait  with patience  for his to beat in sync with mine