Its like the sound of glass breaking,
Like fingers cold and aching,
Of frigid air that bites,
Like my chest is open,
Where a part of me is missing,
The wound bleeding and hissing.
The raw wounded edges,
Are hidden and put to ease,
By the tainted bandage of numbness,
The numbness that thieves,
Every moment of happiness,
The sharp edge to my pain.
And one day after a day,
A day and a day,
I wake and suddenly I’m drowning,
In the wake of my fears,
Its all consuming, overwhelming,
Terrified through my tears.
And panic wells up in me,
Like hot acid shooting through me,
And it fills up my chest
And my body is shaking,
As it steels my breath,
As I fall to my knees,
And the pressure keeps building
Like a bomb in my chest.
Every breath that I’m taking,
Faster-faster-faster
I-need-to-catch-it-soon…
My lungs lurch as I close my eyes,
Because I’m sitting in a shifting room.
I clamp a cold hand on my hot mouth.
My lungs heave.
My brains telling me airs escaping me
But I know better, I’m gasping.
And I see that’s more air than I could possibly need.
And I’m dizzy, I tighten my hand.
I bite down hard and hold back, until stars fade.
And my existence, everything that I am.
I put into taking only one- single- breath.
All of me praying I can slow down the next.
And hold it.
My lungs lurch a little less.
The pain slowly eases inside my chest.
I shake less intensely,
My body starts listening.
And I take a breath.
That one simple beautiful breath,
Holding me up in the ocean
like an orange life vest.
And I lie panting and covered in sweat.
With tear covered eyes,
Grasping at my aching chest.
Still alive and living with the stress
I just almost died of loneliness.