It is the truth.

And it is the underlying problem of this  all.

I am broken,
far beyond either you or myself may have ever believed.

I am stuck in a place where hell seems like pure bliss.

It is pretty clear to me,
that I will never ever come back.
I will never know what it is like to feel,
Anything but pain.
Disgust for myself and total shame.

When you look at me,
do you honestly think,
Even just for a moment,
that this is where it is I want to be?
That this is how I want to feel?

That I want to feel this worthless?
This repulsive at best?

Do you know what it is like,
to let the one person you never wanted to down?
Solely because you hate yourself so much?
Do you know what it is like to put your heart on the line,
To be torn apart,
again and again.

Do you know what it's like ?
To look your child in the eye,  
Promise them something.
Then that promise is broken.
And the only reason you could still have a purpose,
Is stolen right from under you.

Every battle,
every tear,
every sacrifice you made,
Every belief you ignored,
for the sake of other people.
Trampled,  
And you are nothing,
but all alone in the night.

  When inside you beg,
to be worth anything at all?
To mean nothing,
be no one.
An irritant,
just a joke.

When you just want someone,
to notice all you are asking for is them.
They can't do that for you.
They turn away from you.
They want nothing to do with you.
They leave you to feel,
like you're dying inside.
And just pray for it all to be over.