I've never been good at math.

Even my friends would tease me when I got an answer wrong.

"4?!" they would say incredulously.
"How did you get 4?"
"I don't know, I guess I didn't do it right."
"Nobody else got four, so you messed up a lot!"

I was good at other things though,
writing,
acting,
being funny and well liked.

People actively hung out with me and wanted to be friends with me.

But the moment I messed up they were on me,
hyenas circling their soon to be meal.

I think they were jealous.

I'm not stupid.

i seem like i am though.

my whole life, my parents have looked at me as a disappointment.
didn't join the sports team,
don't want to be a doctor,
can't do well in school,
born with a silver spoon up his ***,
never worked a day in his life,
a disappointment, and overall
a failure.

My parents tried to have kids before, but I was the first success.

They decided one was enough.

-

When I turned 5, I joined kindergarten.
Since I was the best reader and smartest kid in the class,
I got extra spelling words and more homework.

It was supposed to foster early developmental skills and
promote my genius.

Instead I only have memories of dad screaming at me at the top of his lungs because I couldn't spell two right.

"JOSHUA IT'S THE 3RD TIME! TWO NOT TOW!!" he yelled.

But how could I know any better?

-

every moment with them is a reminder of how they treated me

yet they act like they've been perfect.

mom, always working
dad, always screaming

since day one it's all been my fault

ruining their lives, or so they make it seem

i'm so tired

it's been 20 years now

and i just wish i could have my own **** life back.